... lovers in tokyo

learn to love you, and you learn to heal the pain

let strength hold you, let it shelter you from rain

those shadows cast away your pride

find the light that shines inside of you

i do think i'm better now, thanks for all the concern... friends and comrades in life :)

going through so much so quickly enlightened me somehow. although largely i'm still rather confused about ... how i should feel towards some things.

anger?

gratitude?

ridiculous?

i have no idea. i try not to think, and to do that, i get myself doing tons of things. but i guess it's really always at the back of my mind. 

maybe if i think harder, i will get the answer? since i can't get down to not thinking at all. 

i have a jammed brain.

it's that moment.. when you thought you had it worst, but you realized soon that you've seen nothing yet. 

last week was undoubtedly the lowest point in my life (for as long as i remember)... i lost everything, both literally and figuratively. earlier in the week, stress was piling up.. faster than i could realize, i was buried. from work, from family... i could hardly breathe.

but my cries for help were ignored. i reached out, hoping that i would be pulled along... but no one came. i thought too highly of myself, that i would definitely get the support that was much needed. with no one to pull me up, my world crashed. and by 'crashed', i mean it. i landed myself in despair and i was wallowing in pity all day long.

but to top it all off, i got my belongings stolen towards the end of the week. i lost my phone, my brand new ipod and my identity card among other things. i am reluctant to recall how devastated i was when i realized it was gone. 

fear.

helplessness.

depression.

my world didn't crash no more, it shattered. into tiny pieces. so tiny that even though i know i feel alright now, i will never be quite the same anymore. 

置之死地而後生... 親身經歷了。

身歷其境，終於知道那種跌到了谷底，然後再重新來過的感受。

腦袋像是電腦因為操作過度，終於受不了當機了。

隨之... 重新啓動。

這幾個月，用腦量簡直超支，像是在幾個月內把幾年的份都想掉了。沒有去看頭髮有沒有白掉，不過筋疲力盡，身心疲憊的感覺卻是真切。

於是重新開機後，發現已經沒有多餘的細胞來一直維持這般激烈的冥想，更沒有多餘的精力一直維持著激動的情緒.

放開了... 

"if you would be loved, love and be lovable."

離我好遠好遠的一個節日。

覺得被騙長大了。

小時候，都覺得大人的世界多好。

早出晚歸

賺錢買自己想要的東西

沒有考試，不用讀書

結果自己長大了

發現

長大了好~麻~煩~

沒有考試，換來是每天陷入苦海般地工作

早出晚歸，換來是越來越不耐操的老躯殼

賺錢自立，換來是還都還不完的賬單

不再簡單，事事變得好複雜

人生開始出現以前沒有出現過的煩惱

開始得面對怪怪的問題

可以不要長大嗎？

不可以。

可以不要認命嗎？

不可以。

可以 너를 생각 안해?

應該吧。